People say, “all’s fair in love and war.”
Personally, I’m hard pressed to find a single fair thing in either of them.
Filed under: communication, culture, friendship, hope, life, relationships, relfections, thoughts, truth
She stepped towards me and got intimately close. She looked me square in the eyes. “Make a wish,” she said as she turned my necklace so the clasp was at the back of my neck. It wouldn’t have been that weird of a situation if we had been friends. It wouldn’t even have been all that odd if she had decided upon a different point to set her eyes. What made the entire exchange extraordinarily uncomfortable was the fact that she was fooling with my necklace and didn’t look at the necklace itself once. Her eyes were set on mine. Their blue-grey hues were set like a dolls, straight ahead without the possibility of a blink unless you were to tilt her backwards. Our noses were, at most, three inches apart. My eyes darted to the right to avoid her stare as her hand grazed my neck in a way that made the hairs on my skin stand tall.
“I wish this girl would move further from me,” I thought silently. My wish hardly came true. She took a step back and said, “well, what did you wish for?” I told her I couldn’t say because I really needed this one to come true. She said that she’d been in my shoes before, putting all of her desires into hopeful wishes. She’d once thrown three dollars worth of pennies into a fountain at the mall with a statue of a playful little boy in it, hoping for better days. I smiled to be polite but wondered why this young girl was telling me her tale.
We were in line to pay at the grocery store. Only two lanes were open and the lines were anything but short.
“Are you a vegetarian?” She was scanning the items in my basket. I don’t know why she kept prodding for conversation. I wouldn’t normally be this reluctant to exchange words with strangers, in fact I normally am the one initiating the conversations, but there was something about this girl that made me very uncomfortable. It was as if at any moment she would tell me that her name was Old Greg and start singing questions about my love for her. I said, “no…well at least I’m not a good one. I eat seafood and eggs.” She then told me a story about how she knows some guy who has been a vegan since ‘before it was cool’ and how he is moving in with her and she will probably stop eating dairy because of him. I had no response.
Luckily, it was time for her to pay and this consumed her reality to the extent that I was forgotten. I put my vegetables on the counter to be weighed and put into my cloth bag that always seemed to be very confusing for the clerk. As the girl loaded her hand with change and a receipt, she turned back towards me and filled her other hand with mine. She grasped my hand in a firm but compassionate manner. “It’s pretty harsh out there, but trust me you’ll be okay. I can see it in your eyes.” She smiled softly and turned to walk away. Her perfectly curled brown locks bounced in the wind created by the swift steps her legs made. I paused for a moment to watch her walk away and then literally shook my body in attempts to rid myself of the experience. My movements didn’t work and I have not rid myself of any experience. I hold her words tightly in the hand she clenched and refuse to let go of them.
Joy of living alone #1:
You have less dirty laundry because you can walk around without clothes on.
If I come up with any others, I’ll let you know.
Filed under: change, communication, culture, decisions, friends, friendship, happiness, honesty, life, love, relationships, relfections, thoughts, tragedy, truth, women
She said:
She sings the saddest verses
In a voice with no sound
Her eyes brightly beam back
And speak where words falter
Their still blue permeates
Like the breeze through the room.
She said to me once that it was just horrible, but my eyes were at their most beautiful when they were filled up with tears. She said that she’d only seen them at their most beautiful three times. I thought that specific moment had made it two, but I didn’t feel like that it was a good time to debate points that were less than moot.
She said:
The pace is fading
Our steps are awkward
With nothing keeping time
You forgot the dance
Now our feet falter
I forgot the words
And our voices die
Amid the sounds of other unsuccessful plays.
She said that she was sorry at least thirty times within the past month. I never wish this to repeat itself. I never wish to be in a relationship where apologies are blurted more often than ‘I love you’s. When I cry she cried, as if she was able to connect to my emotions better than I could. Time was, when I got upset enough, she’d cry for me and save me the trouble.
She said:
Short lived like fireflies darting
Sporadically tearing the darkness
A cool evening filled with the hum
Happy never knowing how quickly
It ends.
She said that she didn’t want it to end, but asked in a panicked manner if I still wanted to be her friend.
Happy. Never knowing how quickly it ends.
She said a lot of things, but this was one thing I never would have anticipated. When it comes down to it she’s worth the fight, and I’m certain I will be seeing her for round two
Filed under: college, decisions, friends, friendship, happiness, honesty, life, love, relationships, relfections, thoughts
People leave your life. Always. The ones that are worth the fight will come back for round two. People who want a third chance never deserve it, and if you are foolish enough to give it to them, they’ll haunt you for the rest of your life. Don’t make mistakes…or date them.
